“The Real Secret Of Happiness”
On this great ball spinning in the middle of nowhere, happiness is our purpose in life.
How do I know? if you are happy, nothing else matters, you are fulfilled. This is our true nature; however, we obscure it with our beliefs and attached emotions.
If you said to someone, that the thing that they wanted would make them unhappy, they would not want it
Happiness is happiness, there are not different types, it’s always the same experience.
Happiness comes from within. An object, event or, a relationship may trigger it, but the potential is always there.
The opposite of happiness is suffering.
Suffering stays with you, if you resist it.
A good example is, if you are stuck in a traffic jam, the more you resist and don’t accept it, the more unhappy you become. The same applies to all situations you cannot change
Life is difficult, or a nicer way to say it is, life is challenging.
By knowing that, and being okay with that, takes away the challenge, When a situation arises with a situation, obstacle or person that is difficult , you can simply say that’s life, by accepting that is the way life is, there is no challenge
The more you can do this, the more easy, and happier your life will be
The Relationship Of Love and Fear
Love is the opposite of fear. If the only thing you had was love you would fear losing it. Giving a sense of separation, or the separate self.
Falling in love is the unveiling of the mask of the separate self.
Dr. Peter Fenwicks’ (the Senior Lecturer at the Institute of Psychiatry, Kings College, London) major research into near death experiences would suggest that the separate self also falls away in the instances of these phenomena, where people experience fantastic loving heavenly experiences.
The eminent psychologist Carl Jung was one of many who had an “NDE” and described it as the experience of ecstasy.
Many think hate is the opposite of love. However, hate is just a byproduct of fear. A protection mechanism.
From fear you get excitement, a different perception of the same energy (get on the back of a fast bike, its frightening and exciting).
Sexual excitement is based in the same energy.
From fear we get control as you try to control your fear.
So, in this world there is fear, or a dog eat dog world. We would not be here in this world without it. However, we need the positive side of fear, control, which gives us confidence, and the other side, love, a balance.
How Fear Grows And How To Ovecome It
This is the story of the monk where part of his journey was to spend time alone in the jungle at night.
Night fell and he heard a sound and thought that just sounds like a small animal, nothing to worry about.
He heard the noise again and it seemed closer, maybe he thought ,it was a medium-size animal and started to get a little apprehensive
A few minutes past and he heard what sounded like the crushing of branches underfoot, this he said, must be a tiger, he didn’t want to, fearing what he might confront, but did, reach for his torch and shine it, where upon he saw a little mouse.
This is a good example of what we do in our mind, the negative belief growing and growing with fear.
Coaching+™ Miracle or Mirror Call?
I have developed an approach called Coaching+™. This operates in the same way as the torch.
As you confront the fears and negativity that you are walking around with. You start to see them for what they are, sometimes unnoticeable, sometimes not pleasant but only a mouse compared to the tiger that you think it is.
You then can enjoy the love, peace, and happiness that comes afterwards.
Intellectualization which many approaches take is not that successful as your mind resists looking at itself. Coaching+ looks to bypass the intellectual mind, which thinks it knows everything, but doesn’t, and go to the part that knows the emotional root cause of your unhappiness, and allow your beliefs to change.
The secret of happiness, if I had to sum it up in a word, is “grow”.
The approach I developed called Coaching+, allows us to “grow”.
Growing in nature refers to the essential life force of nature. It gives a tiny little acorn the ability to grow into a massive oak tree …
Likewise, when you are moving towards your goals (growing),you are in tune with natures life force It will make you feel good and when you feel great you are able to give.
Giving or sharing is accessing your true happiest self, the essence of love. For example when something brilliant happens in your life, what is the first thing you want to do? Tell people-Share your pleasure!
When footballers score a goal? What’s the first thing they want to do. Celebrate by kissing and cuddling, Share their pleasure! The excitement turns to love.
In the analogy of life as football. If you go a goal down, even if you score an own goal in life, you need to pick yourself up and focus again, ‘grow’.
People confuse pleasure with happiness. Pleasure you may get from sex or going back to the football analogy, playing and scoring. Pleasure is an individuals internal desire being satisfied. Happiness or joy is the sharing of pleasure.
Even Deeper…..
Human or Who Man?
Coaching+™ is the path of knowing of who we are, self-realization, which can lead on, to the knowing of being, or aware of our awareness,and its essential nature, which we call i, or i am,(the same sense of i that has remained constant in your life that your tangled beliefs and emotions lay on top of )
What remains constant throughout our life is the experience of awareness, or the sense of i.
When you were 5 years old, you referred to yourself as i, today you will refer to yourself and feel yourself as the same i.
No thought, feeling, image or relationship has remained the same, so do not qualify as i, or i am.
This sense of i, or i’am, is our essential nature of being and happiness.
The sense of i, or our awareness is based in love and connection when we are born.
This is why the sense of i, or i’am, is our essential nature of being and happiness. You can see why sharing, giving and looking to something greater than the separate self makes us happy.
When the sense of love and connection are feared lost it creates the separate self.
The separate self, based in fear comes to the forefront around the age of 2 “the terrible twos”.
The positive side of fear, control, or the will to power, rears its head with it.
This is why growing, akin to confidence, makes us happy and shrinking, the opposite, which is based in fear does not.
The next stage of development is when we create our ego.
This is made up of our perceptions and creates beliefs that our future perceptions filter through.
This is where our thoughts and feelings come from and give your ego, the false sense of i too.
A good analogy of this development is as follows:
John Smith plays the part of King Lear in a play. You go and see him afterward to congratulate him on his performance, but he is confused. He thinks and acts as if he is King Lear, not John Smith.
King Lear represents the separate self
John Smith would represent the i, or the essential nature of our being, our awareness. Who we truly are.
His confusion would represent the tangled web of beliefs and emotions that are erroneous and need confronting and changing.
Thus leading to the path of becoming aware of who he is, or who we are, self-realization.
The awareness or the sense of i is like the screen to our life story, and based in love,
The bathing of our negative beliefs and emotions, in the warm bath of awareness, allows true change, and happiness to develop,
This is the essence of creating happiness and fulfillment.
I’m a Psychologist (Business Growth and Personal), Psychoanalyst, Coach. Hypnotherapist, NLP Master, and Educational Kinesiologist.
I am the originator of “The Confidence Clinic” over 20 years ago in Harley Street London.
On a personal note:
I’m a down to earth, straight edge, easy-going guy. I take great pleasure in socializing with friends and family. I have a big dog that looks like a bear, that loves going out in my 1960s
Would it be ridiculous to contact me today for a….
“FREE Happiness Assessment QUIZ”
The outcome open and let’s assume, whatever that is, that’s it’s for the best
Let the adventure begin
Freddie
